My parents were children during the Great Depression of the 1930s. Like most people who grew up in those grueling times, they learned to save everything. I grew up washing bread bags (when we had the rare store-bought bread), folding tin foil, saving soap bar shreds to use for laundry… all of those things.…
Kid Stories
A while back, I was having trouble sleeping. It went on for several nights. Anyone who lasts in a trauma-focused work environment will tell you that you need to implement personal protective measures to keep yourself healthy. The stories and pain you see and hear, whether at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, a hospital Emergency Room, a homeless shelter, or the bedside of a hospice patient, can eat at your faith in God and humanity.…
I know I write a lot about the complexity of the lives of the children who come to Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. The stories are all true. These kids have endured so much. Sometimes, the simplicity of their needs is heartbreaking.…
What do you plan to get done today? Most of us set daily, mini-goals. On a regular day, mine might look something like this. Get up, shower, empty the dishwasher, switch around laundry, head to work, write emails, answer emails, write reports, resolve issues, write thank you notes, go to the gym, work out even though you don’t like to, drive home, make dinner, fold laundry, call my brother, do Wordle, clean the kitchen……
In an article about unsung heroes, I read about a woman named Caitlin Shetterly. She was early in her first pregnancy and was taking a flight from the West Coast to Maine. It wasn’t too long after the horrors of 911, and she was a nervous flyer. As they got ready for takeoff, she turned to the passenger sitting next to her and asked, “Do you ever get nervous?”…
Since preschool, Hunter struggled to regulate his emotions, follow directions, and thrive in school. On top of his academic and behavioral challenges, Hunter's family life was rocky. An emotionally abusive dad made his hurdles feel all the more impossible to overcome.…
The last time I saw Sam he was a 15-year-old boy with heavy, black framed glasses wearing an ill-fitting suit. He had on an old-fashioned necktie with a big knot and dress shoes that were too big. He solemnly shook my hand and said, “I’m going to do good, Joy.” I got kind of teary and told him I truly believed he could. Then he left.…
“HE IS RISEN!!” That’s what Chaplain Rick Jones yells as he runs through the Chapel at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch before the Easter Service begins. There is no mistaking that this is about the Resurrection. This is a celebration of Christ conquering sin and death and opening the door for us all to have a new life in Him.…
In working with children recovering from trauma, it is so important to celebrate every win! When children have been broken, they have a difficult time recognizing when they are doing well. Every time someone points out a strength or a good decision, it fills, bit by bit, the holes that abuse and neglect left in their soul.…
Sam made quite an impression on me when I met him. I was just months into my time at the Ranch when I traveled from Fargo to Minot for our annual plant sale. I met him in the greenhouse where I was helping get ready for the sale.…
Unfortunately, the children at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch have to learn to live in the "real world." These kids have been abused, neglected, and traumatized. Their world has been an aberration of the real world. Most children are not hit on a daily basis, or raped, or go hungry for days on end. Most children run into bumps and scratches and icky situations, but they aren’t constantly, unremittingly, abused.…
DBT/SPARCS is the therapeutic foundation on which we base the services we provide to children at the Ranch. While I believe we overdo acronyms in the United States and especially in the behavioral health field, this is an acronym I can support since saying DBT/SPARCS instead of “Dialectical Behavior Therapy/Structured Psychotherapy for Adolescents Responding to Chronic Stress,” saves us all a lot of time.…
It sometimes surprises people to learn that we have Student Government meetings at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch. Some people think that children in treatment for trauma are not equipped for things like group decision-making.…
There was an awful lot of noise coming from the other room. I was in Chaplain Rick Jones’s office discussing service planning and recent baptisms. The Spiritual Life group room where the kids on the Minot Campus meet is on the other side of his door. When I came out of his office, I was surprised to see Deaconess Kelly Bristow with only two boys. From the volume, I had honestly expected a room full!…
"This place is amazing. My son spent four months at the Ranch in Fargo and is a completely different kid. He still struggles but he is more self-motivated and succeeding at Dakota Memorial School. Had I not made this heartbreaking decision in his best interests, I would have lost my son. Thank you for being there!" Lexi Hauge on the Ranch's Facebook page…
At 18 years old, Jules is living with a good family, on track to graduate from high school, and hopeful about her future. But, while she is in a good place in her life now, the road has been difficult. During most of Jules' childhood, her mom was an active alcoholic and married to a man who also drank and was physically violent.…
While children are at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, we work hard to connect them with the people who care about them. We can show them that Ranchers care and love them, but it has to go beyond that. It is important for a child healing from trauma to know they are seen, they are thought about, and that there are people in the world who want them to be here!…
There was a knock on my open door. Then, “Good Morning, Joy. Could I please use some of your lotion?” I looked up from my desk and couldn’t help but smile ear-to-ear. Melissa, the lovely young teenage girl in the doorway to my office, smiled back.…
From the outside looking in, Scott seemed to have an idyllic life. A surgeon father, a stay-at-home mother, and eight siblings, built-in friends for life. But as he grew older, things quickly changed, and he began lashing out for attention.…
When asked how he got to Dakota Memorial School (DMS), the on-campus school of Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, Mason set the tone with his ever-present sense of humor. "Well, it's a bit of a story so make sure you have your crumpets and tea."…
“She likes imagining the characters in the books she reads and thinking about them. She says that it is comforting because she is not worried that they will leave her like people in her life always do.” —Katelyn Hamilton, Ranch Wellness Specialist…
The medical note reads, “Therapist was notified that Kole said thinking about school makes him want to self-harm. He has been expressing increased urges to self-harm with the stress of school starting. Staff was able to pull him aside and provide a check-in process after Kole made the comments. He denies any recent self-harm.”…
Bullying is a soul-stealing, lower than a snake’s belly, painful, demeaning thing to endure. Contrary to some long-debunked sayings, it does not “toughen you up,” “make you stand up for yourself,” or “teach you about the real world.” Rather, it either begets more bullying as the victim looks to find someone weaker and more tender than them, or it results in depression, self-loathing, and suicidal thoughts.…
He always walks into my office with complete confidence. He may be only 13 years old. He may be struggling with severe outbursts of anger. He may have several psychiatric diagnoses brought on by severe trauma. His hair may always be a little messy, and more than once I’ve seen him wipe his nose with the back of his forearm.…
Eli is quiet and seems to be listening intently. Then he gets angry and lashes out, just when the person talking with him thinks things are going well. His anger seems unprovoked and unanticipated. Just a second ago he was a very engaged, calm, super cute 12-year-old. Then, in the blink of an eye, he is frustrated, hitting himself, calling himself dumb. Sometimes he strikes out at those around him.…